I recently read an article in Wired, which illustrates how we can rewire ourselves and change behavior with feedback in real time about our actions. The link is at the bottom of this blog. This article illustrates a topic in my previous blog, Transforming Our Internal Universe on changing our brains and how we can [...]
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Transforming Our Internal Universe: Changing our brains with the power of thoughts, emotions, and the body.
June 19, 2011
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When we achieve congruence in speech, thought and action, we function at our peak, because our whole being is fully engaged, with all parts of ourselves working harmoniously and co-operatively toward a goal or a state of being. However, how do we synchronise these three parts for peak functioning? This comes through the integration of feelings, [...]
Read moreTop Ten Mistakes in Behavior Change
June 16, 2011
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A short presentation from Stanford’s University Persuasive Tech Lab*. Straightforward, simple and very effective. Keep these ten points in mind as you set goals and change habits, you’re on your way! *credits appear in the presentation page.
Read moreJapan
March 16, 2011
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For all of you who practice meditation and prayers, or any other form of spiritual giving, please let that healing energy be directed to Japan. I personally practice Phowa, a Buddhist form of meditation meaning “transferring consciousness”.
Read moreCompassion and Celebration of post-trauma growth
March 9, 2011
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A simple note to present a marvellous and positive approach to recovering and growing mental resilience after traumatic events : Post-Traumatic Growth and Building Resilience – HBR IdeaCast – Harvard Business Review blogs.hbr.org
Read moreWe broke up: the worst case scenarios
January 27, 2011
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As I explore the various steps of separation and divorce (see my blog “We broke up: now what?”)in order to better understand the dynamics involved in a break-up, here is what I find the most notable as a worst-case scenario for both roles, that of the dumper ( the one who leaves ),and that of [...]
Read moreWe broke up: now what?
January 26, 2011
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Leaving a relationship is difficult and may be one of the most emotionally painful experiences you will live. If you decided to be the ‘quitter’, you may think that this is easier because you are prepared and you have already mentally adjusted: you have carefully thought about your decision over time. The person being left, [...]
Read moreToo Good to Leave, yet Too Bad to Stay?
January 7, 2011
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The questions to ask yourself if you think it is time to call it quits…. There are signs that not all is right in your relationship, including early warnings signals that you brushed off and ignored months or years ago. You may feel that although you are dissatisfied, so much is tied socially, economically, and [...]
Read morePsychological Defense Mechanisms: What for? (part 2)
November 9, 2010
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Following are definitions of some typical defense mechanisms, organized hierarchically from the least to the most effective. Pathological Defense Mechanisms Denial is a primitive mechanism that is part of very early childhood development. Denial is the refusal to accept reality or a particular fact because it is too threatening. In the face of the evidence, [...]
Read morePsychological Defense Mechanisms: What for?
October 28, 2010
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Our minds have various wonderful unconscious tools they use to help protect us from danger by providing temporary shelter from a threatening reality. These tools are called Defense Mechanisms (DMs). With DMs, we can protect and distance ourselves from anxiety and various emotions or impulses that could overwhelm us as we strive to keep our self-image [...]
Read moreOur Everyday Life Saboteurs
October 5, 2010
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….what they are, where they hide, what they do, and how to train them. These are the little troublemakers that constantly frustrate our efforts to change our habits, get on with a project, or achieve a goal or an intention. They use subtle, creative and varied methods to get in our way, bring down our [...]
Read moreEmotional Pornography : Neither visual nor physical, but that of the mind and heart
September 14, 2010
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Stories of romance pervade our culture—in films and television shows, books and magazines, and even in the advertisements and billboards all around us. They are often lovely and exciting. But all too often these pervasive images and concepts are translated into unrealistic emotional and relational expectations in our real lives. Does that kind of romantic [...]
Read moreEmotional Resilience – Coping with adversity
September 9, 2010
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Some call it ‘mental toughness’, others will talk about ‘emotional resilience’. In essence, these words describe our capacity to face adversity and to cope with stress, and our ability to bounce back to our usual state of balance after some severe or emotionally challenging events. “What doesn’t kill you makes your stronger” said Nietzsche. In [...]
Read moreGive your confidence a boost!
September 2, 2010
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September has arrived! Holidays are over, we’re back to work, the kids are in school, and in Hong Kong we’re heading right toward the busiest quarter of the year––the rush before Xmas and Mid Autumn break…. And before that next holiday break, there’s a lot to do. As we return to the demands of our [...]
Read moreExploring SM in Safety.
August 27, 2010
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SM play is a practice of thousand of people, independent of age, gender, bends and time. Many come to SM because they realize at one point that they prefer certain types of sexual rituals to more ‘usual’ ones. Does this mean perversion, or simply exploring one’s sexuality and spicing up one sex play, making use [...]
Read moreSelf Care….not just a holiday activity
August 1, 2010
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It’s midsummer and there’s still plenty of time to plan a break from work and enjoy some well-deserved rest. While you’re at it, you might also take some time to think about ways you can maintain some of that relaxation and self-care in your everyday life even after you go back to your usual routine. [...]
Read moreMental filters
July 19, 2010
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When unsettling, or out of the ordinary events happen to us, we often start thinking in extremes. This is known as a cognitive distortion. A familiar one is picking up a single negative detail in a sequence of events and thinking exclusively about it, dwelling on it, so that the vision of all reality, the [...]
Read moreConflicts and their resolutions
July 12, 2010
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Conflict is inevitable. It arises every time two or more people feel that their needs, values, desires, or ideas are different and clash. Handled successfully, conflict is an opportunity to stimulate individual growth, understand and strengthen relationships and facilitate effective solutions to problems. Conflict that triggers strong feelings expresses personal and relational needs – for [...]
Read moreStressed! What to do about i?
June 24, 2010
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“If you live everyday as an emergency, you pay the price” Stress is a physiological (body), behavioural and mental response to a perceived or real threat. It implies you feel in danger. Some stress is necessary and good: in healthy doses it makes you more alert, focused, and productive. It improves your performance and awareness [...]
Read moreThe Anger that drives them away
June 12, 2010
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You love him/her deeply and so they do love you. And yet, you are unhappy, maybe you are considering leaving them. It is not the lack of care that makes you think that way, but the sheer despair at having to once again experience one of their anger flares. The pain of it is now [...]
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