Emotional Reasoning – assuming that negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things are , “I feel, therefore it must be true” or “Where’s there’s smoke, there’s fire.” In this situation it is not rational thought but emotions that will lead to you determining a given course of action. That’s when you call the fire brigade, [...]
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6 negative, 3 positive— the daily spectrum of our emotions
May 31, 2010
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we have 6 words for negative emotions, and only two for positive, a third would be ‘curiosity’. But that’s our choice. That fact is observable. But it is no more ‘true’ than using a single word for “snow”, when we all know there are so many subtle distinctions that can be articulated in Inuit. And [...]
Read moreGenogram: How your family patterns affect your relationships
May 27, 2010
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June is traditionally a busy month for couples preparing for their wedding day. But busy as you may be getting ready to say “I do,” it is also a time to take a few moments to reflect on the unspoken assumptions we all bring to our most intimate relationships…assumptions that are best discussed before the [...]
Read moreThe fortune teller error
May 23, 2010
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The Fortune Teller Error – anticipating that things will turn out badly and feeling convinced that your prediction is an already established fact. This thinking error is also called “jumping to conclusions” and is based on making negative interpretations even though there are no definite facts to yet predict that negative things will happen. The [...]
Read moreThe Sins of a Relationship
May 14, 2010
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You are in a relationship which you think you want to exit, or have serious doubts about, or, you have broken up with your partner and you consider possibly moving back in with him/her. Here are a few questions to ask yourself before you do anything: First, do you see yourself with this person in [...]
Read moreLabelling & mislabelling: overgeneralising an event
May 12, 2010
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Labelling & Mislabelling : overgeneralising a single error or event, and attaching generalized pejorative labels to a person or to yourself : “you’re useless”, “I am an idiot”. The nominalization implies that “you are an idiot” or that “they are useless” 100% of the time. In fact, you have just labeled a single event in [...]
Read moreJumping to conclusions: acting on interpretations vs. facts
May 4, 2010
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Have you experienced a situation where you hear someone and you either miss the end of the sentence or interrupt it, so you fill the gaps with your own words and meanings? Do you find yourself assuming things about what people say, though really, no definite fact convincingly supports your conclusion? Does this result in your feeling [...]
Read moreMind Reading: creating our map of another person’s mental state.
April 22, 2010
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Whenever we interact with another person, we draw on our past experiences of them. As we factor in the current situation, we then deduce what a person might be thinking or feeling at this present moment. This valuable social skill is critical in helping us make sense of peoples’ behaviour, and is essential in negotiating, [...]
Read moreTransitions
April 14, 2010
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Whenever we change jobs, relationships, homes, countries, or any familiar state, and we move from an old to a new situation, we lose the security of the known and as we let go, we have not yet attained the benefit of the new. It can be an uncomfortable feeling, that of taking a leap of [...]
Read moreBreak ups – the good ones and the bad ones
April 8, 2010
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The ideal break up scenarios: Both partners want out. They talk about it, especially about what went wrong and what is not working and how separating is the best alternative for both. This gives them time to plan the separation and prepare for it. They part on as amicable terms as they can. Does this [...]
Read moreSaying “no” positively
March 31, 2010
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We all love being loved. We need acceptance. We’ve been taught that selflessness is good. But when we spend too much time doing selfless things for other people that we would rather not do, our “goodness” can become a negative force for us, and even them. True health and balance in our lives and relationships [...]
Read morePersonality Disorders and effect on partners
March 30, 2010
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Sufferers of personality disorders may not be aware of the effect they have on their colleagues, or close ones. If they are highly functional and socialized, they’ll be able to hold off release until in the privacy of the home. Then, they may be very abusive and attack the normal behavior in their ‘victims’. If [...]
Read moreOn anger & its management
March 24, 2010
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Anger is positive. It provides us with a vital boost when we need it, physical and mental. When anger is just, it is appropriate response: lies, being embarrassed in front of others, betrayal, being abused, broken promises are situations of just anger. Basically, the anger is triggered by the intentional action of someone else. Unjust [...]
Read moreOn forgiveness and moving on…
March 20, 2010
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We have an innate sense of justice. When wronged by others, and the injustice is severe, we feel pain from bitterness, resentment, a lot of anger, even hate. This can wreck our lives: when treated badly by one person, we may start resenting all people. And as for revenge: do unto others what is worthy [...]
Read moreA Simple Exercise in Reconnecting with Your Self
March 19, 2010
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“An essential skill when time is scarce and tension is high, because a busy head cannot calm a busy mind.” Do you feel highly stressed, with your mind overactive, parts of your body tense, and your thoughts spinning out of control? Do you have a feeling of dissatisfaction or pain that you can’t quite pinpoint? [...]
Read moreMessage across
March 17, 2010
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It requires honing communication skills. We need challenge a behavior and never the person. Never, ever label a person and tell them things like : ”you’re dishonest”, when you mean ” I don’t feel that’s a full answer”. Never blame a person for a mistake or difficult situation. It is different from assigning responsibility and [...]
Read moreWhat causes stress?
March 9, 2010
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A cave man would say “that’s when I’m face to face with an hungry bear or a mammoth and I left the spear at home”. Today stress is mainly chronic, and as threatening as a talk with the boss, a TV dinner with an irritated mate, a queue at the bank teller, a shove in [...]
Read moreLetting go
March 8, 2010
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… is a process of feeding the mind to the direction we want to go. We are always aware of something, thinking of something. Most of time, the mind is filled to the brim with all our nagging problems, about self, environment and others. Since we can’t create a vacuum, nor empty our mind at [...]
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