We have an innate sense of justice. When wronged by others, and the injustice is severe, we feel pain from bitterness, resentment, a lot of anger, even hate.
This can wreck our lives: when treated badly by one person, we may start resenting all people. And as for revenge: do unto others what is worthy of you — not what if worthy of them. Regardless of what they do, treat them in accordance with your own values, lest you might find it impossible to reconcile your actions to your values, too much of an extra burden!
Forgiveness is the way out of the pain of bitterness, is it is NOT condoning, nor excusing the harm that was done. We don’t have to tolerate what was done. At first, there’s shock, and horror, registering what was inflicted upon us. But, this only need be done…. for a while, only.
Their own action, ultimately, is what defines them… while, as you go back to calm, think about how much space is freed in your mind, to get on with your own life.
Forgiveness starts when we can think about the person and event, and how they hurt you, and wish them well.. .
…. and the wisest thing to do, is to never leave yourself open to any more hurt by them.