Sufferers of personality disorders may not be aware of the effect they have on their colleagues, or close ones. If they are highly functional and socialized, they’ll be able to hold off release until in the privacy of the home. Then, they may be very abusive and attack the normal behavior in their ‘victims’.
If this behavior continues unchecked, if may affect the close ones.
Effect of such abuse on the receiver – as develops overtime: depression, lowered self esteem, insecurity, anxiety, suicidal tendencies, acquired codependence, rage and anger, substance abuse.
How it is done by the abuser: gaslight, emotional blackmail, verbal abuse , neglect, and possibly physical abuse later in the relationship.
This also involves:
Intimidation, control of victim’s time , blaming victim for their own issues, anger and rage explosions, control of finances, physical hits and shoves, withholding of affection and/or sex, insults and name calling, destroying or confiscating the victim’s personal property, reading personal communications, behaving in overprotective manner, criticisms disguised as jokes, intense jealousy projected onto the victim as if their own behavior, and refusal to acknowledge engaging in any of the above.
Are PD sufferers acting this way on purpose?
Not necessarily. They may not realize fully the extent of what they are doing, they have too many layers of self-justification and rationalization mechanisms to grasp the effect of their behavior unto others.
Characteristics of a PD sufferer when interacting with sufferer/victim:
Making demands seem reasonable
Making you feel selfish and stating that you are
Labeling with negative qualities and connotations
Pathologizing or crazy making
Making a demand that needs an immediate response
Allying themselves with someone of authority or influence i.e. parents, children, leaders etc. to present evidence that the victim is the faulty one
Comparing the victim to a person that the victim does not like or is in competition with and then as reactions occur, accusing them of jealousy, etc.
Learning the victim’s “triggers” and systematically triggering them
Assessing how much pressure to apply before the victim will give in—- this means that if the victim becomes resilient and finds coping mechanisms,the pressure will increment, or new triggers will be used.
The pattern of abuse:
Demand–someone wants something
Resistance–the other does not feel comfortable with the demand
Pressure –used to make the resistant one give in
Threat –to turn up the pressure
Compliance–on the part of the resistant one
Repetition–this pattern reoccurs in at least other situations (just with a different name)
What you need to know if in a relationship with a PD partner:
Personality Disorders are hard to temper, manager or cure. Partners will not change the behavior of the PD mate, and cannot expect that s/he will stop. They’ve learned those patterns early on in their lives and will repeat and repeat them over and over again.
A great resource, for partners of PD mates: “Stop Walking on Eggshells” by Randi Kruger.